Post confidence workshop

The day after i returned from seattle, I brought my girls outside and began to practice what i learned at that workshop. I believe that my picture taking has deffinutly changed.

The first one of Nadia is my favorite!

So then we began to play hide & seek. Nadia did such a great job finding Gia...

with a little help from gyro.. Nadia found me..LOL

I liked how this photo came out. Not sure what it is that i like about it but there's something.......

This was a lot of fun. Ive had a few sessions already and i think you can see the changes already. Will share that soon........

Seattle Confidence Workshop

What a weekend! when people say you get inspired and more CONFIDENCE they weren't kidding! Not only did i learn how to use my camera, I learned a little something about myself! There was alot of information to take in so coming home i was still soaking it in. why i didn't post right away.

First i will mention I MADE IT there and home =D only had issues before the flight to Seattle. once i was on the plane i was fine!

So The first day of the workshop was a bit hectic. A lot of information at once then as the babies arrived Mera showed us how to frame. Then we began to photograph babies. I certainly got frustrated and i didn't think i got anything good.

I was wrong =P

At one point during the workshop Mera and her husband Brian talked about them selves, their story! I could relate in so many areas as im sure so many other people did too. I guess how Mera told it just really hit home.. and that night i realized that "i have to except myself for who i am" I know this is something i was to repeat to myself but this time i really mean it. It was amazing how it just hit me and believe it. Taking this trip was meant to be! I did have alot of people ask me why didnt i wait for the workshop to be closer to NJ. THIS was a journey i had to take. If i didnt i dont think i would have come to so many realizations about myself. Its funny, i went to learn about photography but got sooo much more then that!!!

The next day we were to take portraits but it was raining too much so they canceled it. Instead Mera Critiqued our work. Below is a photo that i shared with the group. I really liked how it came out. This shot was taken while the mom was changing positions. the awkwardness just looked so... sooo artistic? Took the shot and hoped it came out good..LOL

When this photo came up on the screen i did NOT expect the reaction that was given. The other women's photos were gorgeous! how could i even compare. OMG There were so many oohs and Aaahs when it popped up. And Mera turns to me and says "I really cant believe you have only had your camera for 4 months! its beautiful" I couldnt believe my ears. I waited for her to tell me what i could have done better but she had nothing to say. just said it was Great and beautiful. Oh my goodness!!! this is coming from a very successful professional photographer. Its NOW that i believe i CAN take photographs. It is true what other people have said to me. LOL

Gosh, i could go on and on about the weekend but i think im gonna end it with that. I cant wait to put what i learned into action and share with everyone!

Thank you Mera & Brian for this wonderful journey =)

I except myself for who i am

I wasnt sure if i was going to share this but what the heck. Im sure there are plenty of people out there who have the same issue.

Im quite anxious tonight. Tomorrow i leave for Seattle for an AMAZING weekend! a photography CONFIDENCE workshop w/ Mera Koh!!! One thing getting in my way is my Anxiety.

In my early 20s I had my first anxiety attack while i was driving! At that time there was alot of stress for me. Some family issues, i was in collage and not doing so well in school. One night i was driving home and felt like i couldnt breath. Then i wasnt sure if i was driving in a straight line. Thinking "What in the world is going on with me!!" I was a few blocks from my house but couldnt make it. i thought i was going to pass out! (i was hyperventilating and didnt know it) pulled over, ran out of my car and ran to the pay phone (yes, i said pay phone! lol) Figured i would call my dad and have him get me! So i started digging in my purse for change. I had change in my hand but couldnt figure out what was a quarter, nickel or dime. OK that was weird.. thought to myself.. "ok ok.. i can just make a collect call.." i look at the numbers and i cant figure out what number is what!! All i saw was 911. Can you imagine feeling that way! not being able to figure out numbers or change. I was scared out of my mind. What in the world is this!!!! I was brought to the hospital just for them to tell me i was having an anxiety attack and was common for someone my age to experience one. Then was sent home.

Since then i have had issues with driving and i get very anxious if im outside of my comfort zone. The only way i can explain the feeling is being High w/ no drugs tho! some might say "COOL!" ya but not sooo cool for me!!! i HATE that feeling! Im definitely better then i was. It took me 3 months to get back in my car and i think a few years before i started to drive FAR places.

So lets fast forward to the present. Going to Seattle.. im sure your wondering why would i go to Seattle if i have such issues. Well, i had been doing good (on meds), i had driven places and delt with the feeling. I just figured i would be fine. Im seeing a therapist and when i told her about my trip she wanted to teach me some techniques. Just to help with the "feelings". What was great was that i was going to visit a friend of mine who lives almost 2hrs away. This would be good practice for the techniques given. I knew it was an easy drive and was excited to maybe feel normal driving!!!! Um.... Yaaaa.. didnt really go as well as i wanted. =P As soon as i made a wrong turn.. that was the end of it, heart pounding, palms sweating.... So i called my friend and she was able talk me through the rest of the trip. You dont know how upset i was! I left my house feeling so strong.. saying. ya. you can do this! this is going to be great!! This was to show me that i would be fine for my trip to Seattle. This was so disappointing. The best thing was getting there and getting a huge hug from my friend =)

I talked to my therapist about the trip and we worked on a few things. What is really hard is "excepting myself for who i am". I want to be normal! i want to get in my car and just GO! no thoughts, no worries, just GO! But, i except myself for who i am! This is what i am to repeat to myself even if i dont believe it... hmmmm

Im to think of the positives: I made it up there, i was able to keep my cool and my girls had no idea how i was feeling, I made it up there, I was able to call my friend to get me through the rest of the way, I made it up there, I knew to pull over and re group, And I made it up there!

So, i leave for my trip tomorrow afternoon. Im trying to keep my cool and remind myself im going to be fine! Im going to let the feelings happen and know that it will calm down even if the techniques dont work. it does eventually stop. what is soo silly is im more nervous about getting to the airport and finding the gate then getting ON the plane.

Part of the techniques is creating a safe place. I already had one so i was a head of the game..LOL below is a drawing of my safe place. Me with my marty =) I did this in 2002

oh and i thought this was funny. My therapist says to me "we just have to work on your confidence so you can go to the Confidence workshop. LOL

I cant wait to get to Seattle and meet Mera and the 20 other women who are going! To learn, grow and be inspired!!! Once im there im going to be fine and is going to be an awesome weekend!!!

Writing this out made me feel a lot better so im glad i did it. Thanks for letting me share =)